You know...
This is one of those weird times where blogging was not arranged to be a part of my agenda. (Although it never really is).
I was actually just sitting here... Doing homework... Preparing for finals... Focusing wonderfully, actually!
And then, I was suddenly interrupted with this eccentric thought: I really am a person that is prone to wandering. (Like the song says). BUT...That's not the eccentric part. Here's the peculiar part, and completion of that thought: There is a bottle of wine in my kitchen, and I could get hammered drunk all by myself right now if I really wanted to. (I'm serious, I pondered this). And no one would ever know about it!!!
So THAT got me thinking...Would I do that? Well...Sure, why not? I've done it before. My first year or so attempting to live a life that confessed a love for Christ, was FULL of me falling flat on my face. It took people laughing in my face, really... at hearing my outlandish claims for "change," and "repentance," when I could only show evidence of that being true for such a short time. I really had to be disgusted with my sin, (my indulgence) a number of times, in order for me to truly find the remedy for it.
The bottom line is... I'm prodigal, prone to abandoning what I really know to be true, and right, and perfect. That will never change, not until the day I die in the body I now reside in. I will always be prone to sin. Somewhere down the road, that bottle of wine is going to whisper sweet nothings into my ear again. Or, I'll be tempted to slander someone who pissed me off. I might even get a little road rage at the 2010 Z28 that tries to clip me on the 91 freeway. (Impulsivity is my sin, really). I've finally realized there's not a whole lot I can do to avoid sin, and the desire to engage in it. But I CAN...
-Become more aware of the boundless love of my Savior. (Which makes sin look terribly unsatisfying, a quick-fix of what one truly needs).
-Flee from those tempting thoughts & desires by pursuing His heart, His attributes.
There's truly nothing I can do to make Him reverse what He did for me, to "take back" his act of love, or to decide I'm no longer worthy of His adoration. When it comes down to it, I'm really not worthy of it. No one is. The entire human race is faulty. But He still finds something within us so precious, that He gave up the most precious thing He could offer...
I am so glad I got off-track tonight. I needed this entire influx of thoughts to remind me how beautiful my God is.
I pray that you come to the same point of renewal, friends.
