This Christmas: A Spiritual Blessing.

I have to admit, I've been terrible at remembering to be in the word lately! I haven't made it a top priority. (Why is it so hard to confess that!) I used to wake up, turn on the coffee pot, and head straight for my bible, pen, and journal. Lately, I've been so eager to hear about what's going on in the world, with Diane Sawyer and Robin Roberts (little shout out to a.m. ABC news), that I've neglected hearing from God through His scriptures. The ironic thing, is that even though my I've failed to do my reading some days, or pushed it further down the list of daily "tasks," is that I speak with God more throughout the day than I ever have. It's really awesome to see the difference in my mind and heart-which works to shape my attitude, when I pray to the Lord more throughout the day, just thanking Him for miscellaneous things, even if I don't necessarily feel gratitude for those things at the moment. The act of praying for or about something, shifts my attitude to become more focused on God and others, and less on MEEEE, me, me. That's something I've been working on with myself lately- "cognitive-restructuring," or "reorganization" of my thought processes (to put it in therapy terms). :)

The thing is...I was almost brought to tears when I read this verse this morning:

"[God]...who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as He chose us before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him..." (Ephesians 1:3-4).

I can choose a million other things, day after day- before I choose true quality time with the Lord. No matter what I put before Him, no matter how many times I may choose another-

He still desires to pour out His spiritual blessings upon me. That's what makes this Christmas sentimental to me personally. I'm thankful for God's spiritual blessings, the fact that He sent a precious and righteous king to us...No matter what American Culture says Christmas is about. ;)

Happy Christmas, friends!!!

One of many MERCIES.

"Your Father loves you as you are, not as you should be. He loves you beyond fidelity and infidelity, beyond worthiness and unworthiness. He loves you in the morning sun and the evening rain. He loves you equally in your state of grace and your state of disgrace. He loves you without caution, regret, boundary, limit, breaking point. No matter what happens, or what you do...He will not stop loving you."

-B. Manning

The Wandering Type.

You know...

This is one of those weird times where blogging was not arranged to be a part of my agenda. (Although it never really is).

I was actually just sitting here... Doing homework... Preparing for finals... Focusing wonderfully, actually!

And then, I was suddenly interrupted with this eccentric thought: I really am a person that is prone to wandering. (Like the song says). BUT...That's not the eccentric part. Here's the peculiar part, and completion of that thought: There is a bottle of wine in my kitchen, and I could get hammered drunk all by myself right now if I really wanted to. (I'm serious, I pondered this). And no one would ever know about it!!!

So THAT got me thinking...Would I do that? Well...Sure, why not? I've done it before. My first year or so attempting to live a life that confessed a love for Christ, was FULL of me falling flat on my face. It took people laughing in my face, really... at hearing my outlandish claims for "change," and "repentance," when I could only show evidence of that being true for such a short time. I really had to be disgusted with my sin, (my indulgence) a number of times, in order for me to truly find the remedy for it.

The bottom line is... I'm prodigal, prone to abandoning what I really know to be true, and right, and perfect. That will never change, not until the day I die in the body I now reside in. I will always be prone to sin. Somewhere down the road, that bottle of wine is going to whisper sweet nothings into my ear again. Or, I'll be tempted to slander someone who pissed me off. I might even get a little road rage at the 2010 Z28 that tries to clip me on the 91 freeway. (Impulsivity is my sin, really). I've finally realized there's not a whole lot I can do to avoid sin, and the desire to engage in it. But I CAN...

-Become more aware of the boundless love of my Savior. (Which makes sin look terribly unsatisfying, a quick-fix of what one truly needs).

-Flee from those tempting thoughts & desires by pursuing His heart, His attributes.

There's truly nothing I can do to make Him reverse what He did for me, to "take back" his act of love, or to decide I'm no longer worthy of His adoration. When it comes down to it, I'm really not worthy of it. No one is. The entire human race is faulty. But He still finds something within us so precious, that He gave up the most precious thing He could offer...

I am so glad I got off-track tonight. I needed this entire influx of thoughts to remind me how beautiful my God is.

I pray that you come to the same point of renewal, friends.

Reasons why I am BLESSED!!!

I am currently doing homework, (neglecting it, rather) and all I can do is think about all the reasons why I am extremely grateful to the Lord for the blessings in my life.

(Trust me, I spend lots of time being ungrateful too, so I decided to write this to remind myself next time I get that nasty attitude).

Blessings...

1. I have a new life in Christ!!! I am about three years old. ;)

2. I have seen a lot of restoration in my family. We have been through so much, & have really grown in learning how to love each other.

3. I am in the most wonderfully designed MFT graduate program, a perfect fit for me, really!

4. I have some really great girlfriends that I know I will be friends with through ugly times, pregnant times, aging times, and middle of the night times.

5. I have a new apartment, with a legit roommate! And we have received many free and fresh items of furniture. ;)

6. I got a job. I work with really cute kids. And some of them...Well, they need extra love-yes, that's how Ill put it.

7. I have seen other nations, and experienced God's heart for them.

8. I am not rolling in the dirty dough, but I can certainly pay the bills and feed my ever-so-greedy tummy!

9. I have a very sweet, & wise generation ahead of me--Grandma Norma and Grandpa Hal. :)

(Actually, 2 generations ahead).

10. I am loved, by the one who loves perfectly...

IT FEELS GREAT TO BE ME!!!

mysterious, unseen was she

swallowed by deep shadows of shame

her identity shaken,

a death of integrity to her name

iniquity engulfed this heart,

like fuel to an uncontrollable flame.

if she had any breath left, she would scream,

but she feared more of the same--

isolation, detachment, a loss of joy

the colors were blending

the music was fading

the people withdrew.

words couldn't speak,

to what she was feeling

until offered to her, was life anew

rescued from harm,

and harm's deceitful trap

to promise her real truth,

love divine-no trace of a gap...

you provide sweet kisses,

to your child whom you adore

you build her up again,

with promises to restore...

"For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the LORD..."

Jeremiah 30:17

Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.

Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad. Proverbs 12:25.

I think the age of 22...is the most anxiety-provoking age I've yet to live. :)

While I'm anxious most days, I'm truly joyful at the core of my being, when I stop & reflect on where I'm at. I'm so thankful for the Word of God, and the encouragement it never fails to provide. A good word really does make one glad.

Honestly, three out of four evenings this week-

I've lit candles, turned on some Shane & Shane, and drawn myself a bath. It's been a really symbolic thing for me to deal with any anxiety I've been feeling. As soon as I step out of the tub, I feel I've had a chance to breathe, meditate, reflect, and cleanse myself of any unwanted & unwelcome feelings of tension. I'm ready to rest-and then begin a new day, and take on any daunting challenges that the world brings.

The foreign, unfamiliar realm of grad-school, resumes, job-interviews, rent, bills, (and cooking new recipes!!!)

It can actually be an enjoyable time. Anxiety comes with this new transition into adulthood. BUT...I really, truly wouldn't change where I'm at.

So, let's trade in that anxiety for gratitude. And risk-taking.

Weddings.

Last evening,

(October 3 2010)...

My handsome cousin married his lovely new bride. It was a really beautiful & sentimental ceremony. There's something so special about seeing "two different, seperate lives-come together as one," as the minister so graciously phrased it. As I thought about it, I don't think that concept is emphasized enough.

Biblically, we are told that a man shall leave his mother and father when he finds his bride (Genesis 2:24), and Ephesians 5 discusses the significance of marriage- that it mirrors and represents Christ's relationship to his bride (us, the church). Essentially, before a man leaves his mother and father to be wed to his wife, he is his own separate individual, as well as the bride, her own individual. Once their souls cross over into the commitment of marriage...It's a beautiful joining of two souls, becoming one unit with a single purpose of honoring the Lord in submitting their lives to Him, and each other. My thoughts are so jumbled right now, as I try to really ponder and wonder about what marriage truly signifies. In fact, my thoughts about marriage are almost mystical. I'm just thankful that Christ gives us the gift of marriage- a true portion of what we will experience with him in eternity. A relationship. (Of course marriage can't be compared to the glories we'll taste and see in heaven, but it's certainly a glimpse of heaven's beauty and of His faithfulness and covenant with us). Marriage is a gift to experience while we're here on this earth. A gift of love, commitment, relationship, friendship, transparency with one another, and honor. And those who are given the gift of this experience, will hopefully hold marriage in honor among all (Hebrews 13:4).

Like my professor, Dr. Nathan Lewis once stated:

"May we as Christians 'do' marriage in a way that looks attractive and desirable to all."

Human Trafficking is ever present-even in our own country.

Check out CNN's latest news on the issue:

http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/09/14/us.craigslist.sex.ads/index.html

Perhaps we chose the wrong day to climb FUJI.

I think it's accurate to say that the 21 interns who purchased Mt. Fuji bus tickets a few weeks ago have been eagerly and anxiously awaiting our trip! The thing is...

We had no control over the weather conditions that were brought our way. Boooo.

So...we set off to Shinjiku, awaiting our bus ride to Fuji. We hopped on the bus, and had about two and a half hours to our glorious infamous destination. Of course, I managed to fall asleep on the bus, and awoke to dark, gray, looming thunderstorm clouds. I mean...When we left Shinjiku, there was a light drizzle...But this didn't look like good Fuji weather at all.

We finally arrived, and walked into the Fuji convenience store, to purchase our rain-suits, oxygen, head-lamps, walking sticks, etc...

So after purchasing all of our needs, we heard the man in the store telling some interns that there had been a death on the mountain earlier on in the day. A man had climbed to the top of the mountain, and passed away from Hypothermia. Sad.

We knew it was dangerous out, but we decided to go slow and attempt the climb anyway, not really thinking too far into the future. We just thought we'd check it out for ourselves. We start climbing in the pouring rain, and came to the realization of how tough the climb would be. Our feet were slipping upon the rocks, the wind was blowing rain in all directions and seeping into our clothes. It wasn't miserable at all actually. The unbearable part would've been when we reached the top of the volcano, where the temperature is literally freezing, with strong and aggressive winds. So...We climbed to the first station, where we were advised yet again, not to climb the mountain. He said in Japanese that he was "very worried" about us. We decided to be smart and turn around. I was super bummed at this point, but quickly appeased by the fact that we were turning around because I plowed through two little pools of rain by accident. :)

We got to the bottom of the mountain, and tried to figure out when we could catch the next bus back to Shinjuku. Bad news. There was one more bus coming for the night, and it didn't go to Shinjiku. Also, we'd have to cram on it with about twenty other foreigners. (We met people from Rome, England, Australia Korea, etc...) After standing in pouring rain for about thirty minutes negotiation with the bus driver, we finally got on. And we finally got to the train station. Which turned out, to be our hotel for the evening.

We spent the night in Kawaguchi Train Station. We pulled an all-nighter. We took walks to 7-eleven to stay awake. We ate a meal at a Chinese Restaurant at 2 a.m.

We arrived back at the station, and I tried so hard to fall asleep. It was FREEZING. The train station was completely open, with a subtle cold breeze blowing. I mentioned to Jennifer how much I missed Cheeto, and how I could really use his kitty chub to warm me up. To which she replied...

"I want a big blanket. Made of dead kitties."

Hahahaha this night made no sense at all. There were also drunk people sprawled out around us (the foreigners we convinced not to climb the mountain). WOW WHAT A NIGHT!!!!!!!!!

But...I still climbed a little beebee part of Fuji. :)

We have a NEW Japanese sister!!! :)

Yesterday was such an awesome day, far exceeding my expectations for a "typical" day of ministry in Tokyo. We saw an incredible situation unfold right before our eyes, while we were completely unaware of the things that would take place for our evening. We were doing 5-minute english in the largest train station in the world, Shinjuku! It was about ten minutes after 6, so our bellies were anxious to finish up and get some dinner! We ended up meeting a girl after we finished with 5-minute english, named Eiko. Tyler, one of our high-schoolers, told Eiko we were Christians and excited to meet Japanese people and share our faith and develop friendships with them. They continued to converse with one another for about twenty minutes, sharing conversations about the bible and about Jesus. She was full of curiosity, inquiry, and solid questions to give us the impression that she was seeking something.

We invited her to dinner, and asked her to take us to our favorite place. (By this time, it was myself, Tyler, and another awesome intern, Cara). We arrived at a traditional Udon noodle restaurant, and enjoyed our time together so much. After dinner, Cara made the statement, "This girl is gonna be a Christian." We didn't realize how SOON she would make that decision! After our stimulating and really encouraging time together, we invited Eiko to church. She was so excited to come.

We met her at the train station this morning and walked her to the park where we have church together. I was so blessed by her excitement...

We sang songs, and she tried her best to follow along even though the english was exhausting her. (Imagine sitting in Japanese church for three hours or more, not hearing your own language and constantly trying to translate in your own mind). Afterwards, we talked a lot. She was introduced to Jeff Burns, our favorite fieldworker, and he asked her some questions to make sure she understood the decision she was making. She repeatedly said, "yes, yes, yes," to each question he asked her. She understood that she was "repenting," and exchanging her old life for a new one. It was such a sweet time. She asked me, "Why did you become a Christian?" I told her bits of my story, being mindful that I needed to use simple, elementary language so she could understand fully. I told her I used to be "bad," and I had many scars from doing bad things. I even gave her specific, personal examples. We talked about alcohol, drugs, boys, loneliness, emptiness. At the end of revealing the nakedness of my soul, I told her how God still loves me despite anything I've ever done and invites me to be a part of His plan. Which doesn't make sense. Not even to me. "I am so humbled to be a part of your plan." These are the words we all sang this morning in church. I really am humbled by the fact that Christ chooses to take simplicity and turn it into beauty. Though we don't speak the same language, there was nothing misunderstood about our conversation, she knew very well the decision she had made. And she was excited!!!! Later on, we went to Starbucks and her and I went over some scripture with her. We talked about the story with the Samaritan woman, and how Jesus offered her living water despite her living conditions with five husbands. He offered her a way out, an invitation to a better life, with him. It was precious, because as I was trying my best to communicate the story to Eiko, her eyes had a concoction of wonder, admiration, and confusion. The next statement that followed, blessed my soul...

"The bible is so deep..."