This Christmas: A Spiritual Blessing.

I have to admit, I've been terrible at remembering to be in the word lately! I haven't made it a top priority. (Why is it so hard to confess that!) I used to wake up, turn on the coffee pot, and head straight for my bible, pen, and journal. Lately, I've been so eager to hear about what's going on in the world, with Diane Sawyer and Robin Roberts (little shout out to a.m. ABC news), that I've neglected hearing from God through His scriptures. The ironic thing, is that even though my I've failed to do my reading some days, or pushed it further down the list of daily "tasks," is that I speak with God more throughout the day than I ever have. It's really awesome to see the difference in my mind and heart-which works to shape my attitude, when I pray to the Lord more throughout the day, just thanking Him for miscellaneous things, even if I don't necessarily feel gratitude for those things at the moment. The act of praying for or about something, shifts my attitude to become more focused on God and others, and less on MEEEE, me, me. That's something I've been working on with myself lately- "cognitive-restructuring," or "reorganization" of my thought processes (to put it in therapy terms). :)

The thing is...I was almost brought to tears when I read this verse this morning:

"[God]...who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as He chose us before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him..." (Ephesians 1:3-4).

I can choose a million other things, day after day- before I choose true quality time with the Lord. No matter what I put before Him, no matter how many times I may choose another-

He still desires to pour out His spiritual blessings upon me. That's what makes this Christmas sentimental to me personally. I'm thankful for God's spiritual blessings, the fact that He sent a precious and righteous king to us...No matter what American Culture says Christmas is about. ;)

Happy Christmas, friends!!!

One of many MERCIES.

"Your Father loves you as you are, not as you should be. He loves you beyond fidelity and infidelity, beyond worthiness and unworthiness. He loves you in the morning sun and the evening rain. He loves you equally in your state of grace and your state of disgrace. He loves you without caution, regret, boundary, limit, breaking point. No matter what happens, or what you do...He will not stop loving you."

-B. Manning

The Wandering Type.

You know...

This is one of those weird times where blogging was not arranged to be a part of my agenda. (Although it never really is).

I was actually just sitting here... Doing homework... Preparing for finals... Focusing wonderfully, actually!

And then, I was suddenly interrupted with this eccentric thought: I really am a person that is prone to wandering. (Like the song says). BUT...That's not the eccentric part. Here's the peculiar part, and completion of that thought: There is a bottle of wine in my kitchen, and I could get hammered drunk all by myself right now if I really wanted to. (I'm serious, I pondered this). And no one would ever know about it!!!

So THAT got me thinking...Would I do that? Well...Sure, why not? I've done it before. My first year or so attempting to live a life that confessed a love for Christ, was FULL of me falling flat on my face. It took people laughing in my face, really... at hearing my outlandish claims for "change," and "repentance," when I could only show evidence of that being true for such a short time. I really had to be disgusted with my sin, (my indulgence) a number of times, in order for me to truly find the remedy for it.

The bottom line is... I'm prodigal, prone to abandoning what I really know to be true, and right, and perfect. That will never change, not until the day I die in the body I now reside in. I will always be prone to sin. Somewhere down the road, that bottle of wine is going to whisper sweet nothings into my ear again. Or, I'll be tempted to slander someone who pissed me off. I might even get a little road rage at the 2010 Z28 that tries to clip me on the 91 freeway. (Impulsivity is my sin, really). I've finally realized there's not a whole lot I can do to avoid sin, and the desire to engage in it. But I CAN...

-Become more aware of the boundless love of my Savior. (Which makes sin look terribly unsatisfying, a quick-fix of what one truly needs).

-Flee from those tempting thoughts & desires by pursuing His heart, His attributes.

There's truly nothing I can do to make Him reverse what He did for me, to "take back" his act of love, or to decide I'm no longer worthy of His adoration. When it comes down to it, I'm really not worthy of it. No one is. The entire human race is faulty. But He still finds something within us so precious, that He gave up the most precious thing He could offer...

I am so glad I got off-track tonight. I needed this entire influx of thoughts to remind me how beautiful my God is.

I pray that you come to the same point of renewal, friends.

Reasons why I am BLESSED!!!

I am currently doing homework, (neglecting it, rather) and all I can do is think about all the reasons why I am extremely grateful to the Lord for the blessings in my life.

(Trust me, I spend lots of time being ungrateful too, so I decided to write this to remind myself next time I get that nasty attitude).

Blessings...

1. I have a new life in Christ!!! I am about three years old. ;)

2. I have seen a lot of restoration in my family. We have been through so much, & have really grown in learning how to love each other.

3. I am in the most wonderfully designed MFT graduate program, a perfect fit for me, really!

4. I have some really great girlfriends that I know I will be friends with through ugly times, pregnant times, aging times, and middle of the night times.

5. I have a new apartment, with a legit roommate! And we have received many free and fresh items of furniture. ;)

6. I got a job. I work with really cute kids. And some of them...Well, they need extra love-yes, that's how Ill put it.

7. I have seen other nations, and experienced God's heart for them.

8. I am not rolling in the dirty dough, but I can certainly pay the bills and feed my ever-so-greedy tummy!

9. I have a very sweet, & wise generation ahead of me--Grandma Norma and Grandpa Hal. :)

(Actually, 2 generations ahead).

10. I am loved, by the one who loves perfectly...

IT FEELS GREAT TO BE ME!!!

mysterious, unseen was she

swallowed by deep shadows of shame

her identity shaken,

a death of integrity to her name

iniquity engulfed this heart,

like fuel to an uncontrollable flame.

if she had any breath left, she would scream,

but she feared more of the same--

isolation, detachment, a loss of joy

the colors were blending

the music was fading

the people withdrew.

words couldn't speak,

to what she was feeling

until offered to her, was life anew

rescued from harm,

and harm's deceitful trap

to promise her real truth,

love divine-no trace of a gap...

you provide sweet kisses,

to your child whom you adore

you build her up again,

with promises to restore...

"For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the LORD..."

Jeremiah 30:17

Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.

Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad. Proverbs 12:25.

I think the age of 22...is the most anxiety-provoking age I've yet to live. :)

While I'm anxious most days, I'm truly joyful at the core of my being, when I stop & reflect on where I'm at. I'm so thankful for the Word of God, and the encouragement it never fails to provide. A good word really does make one glad.

Honestly, three out of four evenings this week-

I've lit candles, turned on some Shane & Shane, and drawn myself a bath. It's been a really symbolic thing for me to deal with any anxiety I've been feeling. As soon as I step out of the tub, I feel I've had a chance to breathe, meditate, reflect, and cleanse myself of any unwanted & unwelcome feelings of tension. I'm ready to rest-and then begin a new day, and take on any daunting challenges that the world brings.

The foreign, unfamiliar realm of grad-school, resumes, job-interviews, rent, bills, (and cooking new recipes!!!)

It can actually be an enjoyable time. Anxiety comes with this new transition into adulthood. BUT...I really, truly wouldn't change where I'm at.

So, let's trade in that anxiety for gratitude. And risk-taking.

Weddings.

Last evening,

(October 3 2010)...

My handsome cousin married his lovely new bride. It was a really beautiful & sentimental ceremony. There's something so special about seeing "two different, seperate lives-come together as one," as the minister so graciously phrased it. As I thought about it, I don't think that concept is emphasized enough.

Biblically, we are told that a man shall leave his mother and father when he finds his bride (Genesis 2:24), and Ephesians 5 discusses the significance of marriage- that it mirrors and represents Christ's relationship to his bride (us, the church). Essentially, before a man leaves his mother and father to be wed to his wife, he is his own separate individual, as well as the bride, her own individual. Once their souls cross over into the commitment of marriage...It's a beautiful joining of two souls, becoming one unit with a single purpose of honoring the Lord in submitting their lives to Him, and each other. My thoughts are so jumbled right now, as I try to really ponder and wonder about what marriage truly signifies. In fact, my thoughts about marriage are almost mystical. I'm just thankful that Christ gives us the gift of marriage- a true portion of what we will experience with him in eternity. A relationship. (Of course marriage can't be compared to the glories we'll taste and see in heaven, but it's certainly a glimpse of heaven's beauty and of His faithfulness and covenant with us). Marriage is a gift to experience while we're here on this earth. A gift of love, commitment, relationship, friendship, transparency with one another, and honor. And those who are given the gift of this experience, will hopefully hold marriage in honor among all (Hebrews 13:4).

Like my professor, Dr. Nathan Lewis once stated:

"May we as Christians 'do' marriage in a way that looks attractive and desirable to all."

Human Trafficking is ever present-even in our own country.

Check out CNN's latest news on the issue:

http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/09/14/us.craigslist.sex.ads/index.html

Perhaps we chose the wrong day to climb FUJI.

I think it's accurate to say that the 21 interns who purchased Mt. Fuji bus tickets a few weeks ago have been eagerly and anxiously awaiting our trip! The thing is...

We had no control over the weather conditions that were brought our way. Boooo.

So...we set off to Shinjiku, awaiting our bus ride to Fuji. We hopped on the bus, and had about two and a half hours to our glorious infamous destination. Of course, I managed to fall asleep on the bus, and awoke to dark, gray, looming thunderstorm clouds. I mean...When we left Shinjiku, there was a light drizzle...But this didn't look like good Fuji weather at all.

We finally arrived, and walked into the Fuji convenience store, to purchase our rain-suits, oxygen, head-lamps, walking sticks, etc...

So after purchasing all of our needs, we heard the man in the store telling some interns that there had been a death on the mountain earlier on in the day. A man had climbed to the top of the mountain, and passed away from Hypothermia. Sad.

We knew it was dangerous out, but we decided to go slow and attempt the climb anyway, not really thinking too far into the future. We just thought we'd check it out for ourselves. We start climbing in the pouring rain, and came to the realization of how tough the climb would be. Our feet were slipping upon the rocks, the wind was blowing rain in all directions and seeping into our clothes. It wasn't miserable at all actually. The unbearable part would've been when we reached the top of the volcano, where the temperature is literally freezing, with strong and aggressive winds. So...We climbed to the first station, where we were advised yet again, not to climb the mountain. He said in Japanese that he was "very worried" about us. We decided to be smart and turn around. I was super bummed at this point, but quickly appeased by the fact that we were turning around because I plowed through two little pools of rain by accident. :)

We got to the bottom of the mountain, and tried to figure out when we could catch the next bus back to Shinjuku. Bad news. There was one more bus coming for the night, and it didn't go to Shinjiku. Also, we'd have to cram on it with about twenty other foreigners. (We met people from Rome, England, Australia Korea, etc...) After standing in pouring rain for about thirty minutes negotiation with the bus driver, we finally got on. And we finally got to the train station. Which turned out, to be our hotel for the evening.

We spent the night in Kawaguchi Train Station. We pulled an all-nighter. We took walks to 7-eleven to stay awake. We ate a meal at a Chinese Restaurant at 2 a.m.

We arrived back at the station, and I tried so hard to fall asleep. It was FREEZING. The train station was completely open, with a subtle cold breeze blowing. I mentioned to Jennifer how much I missed Cheeto, and how I could really use his kitty chub to warm me up. To which she replied...

"I want a big blanket. Made of dead kitties."

Hahahaha this night made no sense at all. There were also drunk people sprawled out around us (the foreigners we convinced not to climb the mountain). WOW WHAT A NIGHT!!!!!!!!!

But...I still climbed a little beebee part of Fuji. :)

We have a NEW Japanese sister!!! :)

Yesterday was such an awesome day, far exceeding my expectations for a "typical" day of ministry in Tokyo. We saw an incredible situation unfold right before our eyes, while we were completely unaware of the things that would take place for our evening. We were doing 5-minute english in the largest train station in the world, Shinjuku! It was about ten minutes after 6, so our bellies were anxious to finish up and get some dinner! We ended up meeting a girl after we finished with 5-minute english, named Eiko. Tyler, one of our high-schoolers, told Eiko we were Christians and excited to meet Japanese people and share our faith and develop friendships with them. They continued to converse with one another for about twenty minutes, sharing conversations about the bible and about Jesus. She was full of curiosity, inquiry, and solid questions to give us the impression that she was seeking something.

We invited her to dinner, and asked her to take us to our favorite place. (By this time, it was myself, Tyler, and another awesome intern, Cara). We arrived at a traditional Udon noodle restaurant, and enjoyed our time together so much. After dinner, Cara made the statement, "This girl is gonna be a Christian." We didn't realize how SOON she would make that decision! After our stimulating and really encouraging time together, we invited Eiko to church. She was so excited to come.

We met her at the train station this morning and walked her to the park where we have church together. I was so blessed by her excitement...

We sang songs, and she tried her best to follow along even though the english was exhausting her. (Imagine sitting in Japanese church for three hours or more, not hearing your own language and constantly trying to translate in your own mind). Afterwards, we talked a lot. She was introduced to Jeff Burns, our favorite fieldworker, and he asked her some questions to make sure she understood the decision she was making. She repeatedly said, "yes, yes, yes," to each question he asked her. She understood that she was "repenting," and exchanging her old life for a new one. It was such a sweet time. She asked me, "Why did you become a Christian?" I told her bits of my story, being mindful that I needed to use simple, elementary language so she could understand fully. I told her I used to be "bad," and I had many scars from doing bad things. I even gave her specific, personal examples. We talked about alcohol, drugs, boys, loneliness, emptiness. At the end of revealing the nakedness of my soul, I told her how God still loves me despite anything I've ever done and invites me to be a part of His plan. Which doesn't make sense. Not even to me. "I am so humbled to be a part of your plan." These are the words we all sang this morning in church. I really am humbled by the fact that Christ chooses to take simplicity and turn it into beauty. Though we don't speak the same language, there was nothing misunderstood about our conversation, she knew very well the decision she had made. And she was excited!!!! Later on, we went to Starbucks and her and I went over some scripture with her. We talked about the story with the Samaritan woman, and how Jesus offered her living water despite her living conditions with five husbands. He offered her a way out, an invitation to a better life, with him. It was precious, because as I was trying my best to communicate the story to Eiko, her eyes had a concoction of wonder, admiration, and confusion. The next statement that followed, blessed my soul...

"The bible is so deep..."

SUPER quick update.

Today energized me like CRAZY! Even though I had about four hours of sleep and woke up at 5 a.m., my high schoolers gave me so much inspiration to go, go, go today! I'll just update you on some brief highlights! So it was day 2 with my awesome team of high schoolers, the "Red Trek," which we like to call "BLOOD!" Creepy, I know. :)

There are sixteen of us total, counting myself and two other college interns. It's such a fun group. (Perhaps I should update you on this-I left one of the high-schoolers in the bathroom yesterday and got on the train without her while miscounting heads. Quite a teachable moment for me. So glad everything turned out okay! It's moments like those where I know God had a purpose in that happening-to test MY character as a leader, and to build some individual courage for this particular high-schooler).

Back to today-

I had an incredible conversation today with a woman named Yumi. She was passing through Shinjuku to look for a job, because she had been jobless for the past 8 months. I met her during 5-Minute English and couldn't believe how God directed my steps in that conversation. She had told me about her experience living stateside in a pastor's home, and what that was like for her. She described to me how Christians are "bad," but some of them are good. I asked her to elaborate on that, and to tell me why she felt some Christians are bad. She kept apologizing for her honesty, and I said "dijaboo," (or "it's okay, you can be honest with me"). We ended up going further into that-she didn't like that Christians cannot except Buddhists. To which I told her-Yumi, Jesus loves Buddhists. I explained to her the verse 1 Timothy 2:4, how it's God's desire for all men to be saved. But there is only one man that has the power to save. Our conversation was cut short but she agreed to have dinner with me on Wednesday evening. I asked her if she'd allow me to pray for her job process, and she said, "Yes, I am pleased to have met you." (Such cute proper english).

:)

Our BIG ROCK of the summer.

So, I just thought I'd tell you a little bit about this week. Today, we picked up 123 high-schoolers from the airport. Woa. Surprisingly, things went very smoothly! Sweaty, sleepy, sweet high-schoolers. I really enjoyed them tonight. Most of them range from the ages of 15-17. The name of this group is entitled, "Texas Super Summer." They will be here for one week, sharing the good news with Japanese people here in Tokyo. I'm really excited to see how God uses each of them uniquely. Tonight we were able to take them out for their first real Japanese family-style dinner, at Zawatami. (My personal favorite). They were introduced to sushi, Okanomayake (however you spell it), pork, chicken, and so many other great dishes. They were pretty adventurous, I was impressed. :)

Oh, also...

Story time. I bought this shirt for eight dollars that says "Samurai," in Japanese and English. Bad choice. EVERYONE either whispers, or points and laughs at me. The other day, I was alone on Mt. Takoe journaling, and five or six Japanese guys walked by, and the leader of the pack snickered under his breath while observing my shirt and said, "OHHHH, samurai???" To which I nervously and hesitantly replied, "Uuuhhhh, yes, eggo-wa-doko-deska?" (I accidently said: "Where is the english?") Haha! I meant to ask him if he spoke english. I wanted to find out why my shirt was so funny! Anyway, they continued to giggle at me and my broken Japanglish. :)

I wore the Samurai shirt again to dinner tonight and asked our waiter. All he could say was, "Ohhhh, samurai bad. Sorry."

No more Samurai until I reach America. :)

Goodnight! Pray for Texas Super Summer high school students! And for us interns to have some energy-since we'll be having about 12-14 hour days...

Thanks!

Rainy Tuesday's in Tokyo.

I don't know why, but I feel it necessary to inform you about the happenings from this past Tuesday! It was such a good day. Pretty much none of our plans stayed in tact. Just goes to show you who's not in charge... :)

So our plans were as follows:

10:00 a.m: Distribution.

12:00 p.m: Lunch.

1:00 p.m: Personal Time.

3-5:00 p.m: 5-Minute English.

My favorite thing about the weather in Japan, (Please heed my completely facetious condescending attitude when I say this) is that rainfall doesn't exactly mean cooler weather. In fact, it typically means more perspiration in crevices I don't prefer to find sweat in. Also, the weather is completely moody and bipolar. Okay, done whining about that. :)

What's special about the weather from this past Tuesday...is that I momentarily forgot I was in Tokyo! I actually felt like I was on a one day retreat to San Francisco. Low 70s, 10 mph breeze...and a medium rainfall with profoundly pregnant raindrops. :)

So due to the erratic weather-our schedule took a quick veer in another direction. Guess what that means? Starbucks. Coffee ministry is the best! I met a girl named Miki. I was playing Japanese Speed with Jordan, and Miki looked over at me and timidly attempted to speak english. "Su-me-ma-sen?" I said, with a patient grin. (Excuse me?) We got to talking, and though her english was very broken, she was excited and eager to practice with me, and even more excited when I handed her a Japanese Manga! (Which is narrated in the form of the Gospel of John). Miki was very sweet, and so grateful to receive a "presento."

After Miki left, another woman sat down next to us. Maybe about 27, with kind eyes, defined cheekbones, and delicate skin. Also, a little baby keeping her company inside her tummy. We looked over, trying not to be obvious about the fact that we were studying her, and couldn't help but notice the novel she had opened. It was in english!!! Perfect conversation starter. "Su-me-ma-sen?" "Yes?" She asked with a tender smile. (Sigh of relief-she really does speak english). We carried on in conversation, and exchanged information about ourselves. She had mentioned living in Spain a few years, and studying abroad at UCLA in Southern California. I prayed that God would lead and guide the conversation. He did, but unfortunately she wasn't interested in knowing much more about my purpose in being here in Japan. I gave her my contact information anyway, and she said she would let me know the next time she decides to enjoy a Grande Caramel Frappuccino inside of the Starbucks in Tachicawa. (I told you I studied her). I hope we get the chance to meet again. :)

Though rainy days may be spent indoors, they are not always spent in vain...

"The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps..." Proverbs 16:9.

Sunday Love.

Sunday's are one of my favorite days of the week here in Tokyo. It's kind of our "family day," at least that's how it feels to me. All of the interns, missionaries, and volunteer teams gather at Koganei Park for some good 'ole church! We usually share a few testimonies & stories about the things God is doing in Japan, followed by singing and usually a word from Jeff. After church takes place...We eat delicious Turkish Kebabs & stuff ourselves until we're corpulent little piglets, & then we attempt to burn it all off by playing a rather competitive game of Capture the Flag. (Oh yeah, I should mention-sometimes opponents don't honor sportsmanship and do a little sneaky cheating here and there). Not butt-hurt or anything.

:)

Today we had our usual family time, followed by Capture the Flag in the rain. The rainfall really started to come down. I thought for sure we'd leave the park & do coffee shop ministry, or something else indoors. Well I thought incorrectly. Apparently more rainfall translated to: Let's play a game of Ultimate Frisbee! Although I love this game...

I must admit, I wasn't too enthusiastic about running around some more, especially in the slippery grass (which is certainly due for a trim). Nevertheless we divided up into teams, inviting some Japanese people to play with us, by the names of Kiroji and Mika. (They had another friend but I can't remember her name!) We had a BLAST. I even got the wind knocked out of me in the first five minutes of the game. Took a blow to the rib-cage. Not gonna lie...I started to quietly shed a tear but then attempted to walk it off like a man. HA. Gosh, this was one of my favorite days. You know it's a good day when there's a combination of Tokyo rainfall and sweat in and through your clothing. Also bright green grass-blades in strange regions of the body. What a great day of fellowship. Less than 4 more weeks here. Yikes.

Tokyo Teachings. :)

Well...I decided to update you all on a few of the things I've been learning this week here in Tokyo! Sometimes I feel like I'm not learning much, but when I really stop & think about it, I'm honestly paralyzed with gratitude to think about the things God is teaching me. This summer looks a lot different than I thought it would have, but I am still so thankful to have the opportunity to be here in Japan. I have had some experiences this summer that certainly can't be taught from a book. :)

Okay. First thing's first. God has given me a love for the church, that sadly, I have been lacking for quite some time. I struggle to love Christians. It's easy to miss the purpose of the church. So, how about this for conviction?:

"...to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood," Acts 20:28.

This summer God has given me a beautiful perspective of what the church is supposed to be. The first three to four weeks I was here in Tokyo, I couldn't figure out why I didn't want to be close with any of the College Interns. I thought they were all awesome people. Funny. Witty. Some with colorful personalities. All with a true, single-minded passion for the Lord. But for some reason, I just didn't really have the desire to get to know them deeply. My attitude was rather arrogant, now that I think about it. I wanted to spend time with the Japanese people, not Americans! Well...the Lord was really challenging me in my time spent alone with him. And I started to realize that he blessed me with these college interns (and wonderful fieldworkers) for a purpose greater than I can understand. He placed each of us here in Tokyo this summer, so that we could be his church, HERE. (I know, isn't this something I should've known instinctively, like before I got on the plane??) Anyway, to sum it up...How could we be effective to people around us that need to hear the gospel, if we can't be effective to our own brothers and sisters within the church?? The church is a gift. The church should be honored, treasured, and protected. The Lord has shown me, this is beauty:

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms & hymns & spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the father through Him."

Colossians 3:12-17

Now that you know some of what the Lord has been showing me individually, I can update you a little more about the JAPANESE! Well, let's be real here. I'm going to be transparent with you. I have been somewhat discouraged lately, about the impact that I'm making for Christ's kingdom here in Japan. I've still had the opportunity to plant seeds, through distribution, 5-minute english, and activities as such. But as far as meeting individual "contacts," on a regular or weekly basis, I've been doubtful of myself, wondering if I'm really engaging with the Japanese in the way that I'm "supposed to." It's been difficult not to compare myself to other interns, who are vibrant social butterflies, meeting contacts left and right! While I've struggled with this, the Lord has also been showing me that as long as I am obedient in planting seeds anytime he provides an opportunity, the rest is up to him. He just desires my faithfulness. I plant; he waters. He just desires me, having a passion for him, & being READY when he presents an opportunity to share. So...if you could continue to pray for me not to lose heart, or get discouraged, but to have full confidence that HE is in charge and is the one who directs my steps. And also, HE is the one who appoints us to do his good work. (John 15:16).

On a happier note, the soil is softening here in Japan. It has been awesome to see our volunteers being the hands and feet of Christ, meeting Japanese people and inviting them to share meals together, sing karaoke, and much more. (Oh yeah, you should know this too: Our main ministry as interns is to pour into our volunteer teams that come through Tokyo, and to encourage them in their work of sharing the gospel. When they leave Tokyo, we follow up with their contacts!)

Thanks so much for reading my updates. I appreciate all of my friends and family that have chosen to support me in different ways. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for your love and faithfulness. You're all wonderful and I MISS YOU!!!

When a woman is loved well.

Sometimes...I have to remind myself to sober up. When I say sober up, I mean get real. I have to remind myself that the world portrays things in a way that most of the time isn't true or objective. The world tries its best to allure it's captives with offers that don't quench, don't satisfy. Like LOVE. I honestly grieve the way that the world sees love. I can remember the painful days of longing and pining for love that is intimate, romantic, and personal. I can remember placing stress on past relationships with guys (expecting extremely unrealistic things out of them). Like how to read my thoughts, how to be spontaneously romantic, how to challenge me intellectually, & of course how to be a goofball...

(P.s...Not that each of those things DON'T matter, because they totally do to a certain extent).

Anyway, I remember reading this once out of a book. Forget citation, I can't remember where the heck I read this. :) But the quote said:

"When a woman is loved well, she opens up like a flower..."

I have been pondering that so much lately. Old relationships never satisfied. Because they didn't have Christ. I have literally never felt so much freedom in my life than I do now. Of COURSE I look forward to the day when I can live life side by side with a man. My husband. I can't wait to cook breakfast for dinner, exchange awkward sleep conversations, and grow closer to the Lord through loving an imperfect person. I am just as much of a cheese-ball as any other girl, although I'm stubborn to admit that. Extremely. But I guess, through all this jumble & ramble, I am trying to say that I am already loved well. Yes, I look forward to having a relationship and a marriage with a man one day. But I am content with His love. It's enough for me. I am already known and loved beyond any depths that my own brain can even fathom. God loves His children with an everlasting love--love that's limitless, unrelenting, and literally cannot be shaken by ANYTHING. Not even the ugliness that is sometimes in my heart. There is too much grace in Jesus for anything to come between myself and His love. That is a concept that I press to know and seek and marvel at, for the rest of my life.

The last few days.

I feel like it's time for me to give a quickie update on a few of the highlights from this week. :)

Saturday was awesome. We got to spend some time with our new GTI's. ("Go Tokyo Interns"). They are three wonderful seniors & graduates of high school. Since it was a furiously humid & rainy day, our scheduled park ministry time was cancelled. The boys decided to be boys-venturing off doing their own restless & active thing, while us girls blithely did coffee shop ministry at Starbucks. We each ordered different flavored frap's, mine being the green tea frap. Mmmmm, nom nom. We got to know each other a little bit better, played some SPEED UNO (the best), and prayed fervently for things that the Lord placed on our hearts. It was really good to just be sisters together, & enjoy the companionship of one another within a tiny little coffee shop full of Japanese bustle and scramble. Amanda and I walked over to Krispy Kreme, for a free donut & some more coffee. (Ooooops coffee addiction, guilty). We ended up sitting next to a girl who was practicing her english. Perfect. Her name was Yuka, and she was 15 years old. No other words to describe her except sweet, with a kind and sensitive voice. We ended up exchanging numbers after telling her our reasons for visiting Tokyo. She knew the gospel; she had heard of it before. She accepted the "hope track," and gospel of John, and we told her we wanted to meet up with her this week to give her a "presento," called a Monga. (It's kind of like Japanese comic-books...Most of them LOVE to read them; this one is just gospel driven). She was SO excited!

Today...we went to church in the park. We were sooooo sad it was our last day with the awesome CBU girls student team! :( We had church with Jeff, sang some songs with David, ate our delectable peanut butter & jellies...

Then, we had the most amazing time renting bikes for an hour. 200 yen. CHEAP. We rode through the park gracefully, noticing the Japanese flower gardens, & taking our time to observe the families who were enjoying their father's for a meager one day a week. (Japanese men typically only have this one day a week off of work). It was really great to ride bikes-despite the stickiness of stewing in our vile sweat for hours. We didn't care!

Tonight was extra special. We joined the CBU student team (Kushi's team) for dinner and dessert. We dined at an exquisite Japanese restaurant. We took our shoes off, and sat around a family table, on soft brown cushions with dimmed lighting-creating a relaxing and enjoyable ambiance, perfect for some good CBU family fellowship! I can't even begin to describe to you how delicious the food was. I will forever have the images and sensations of these choice dishes imprinted on my heart & soul. My belly will also never lose sight of this grand evening. BUT, most of all, laughter, debriefing, maybe a few tears, and prayer with the CBU girls tonight was something we all needed. Tonight was a gift, and a special blessing...

A Day of Rest.

Today...has been wonderful. Restful. Thought provoking? Probably not. Even my mind has resigned for the day & capitulated to my body's request for relaxation. (It's a sweet thing-I cherish Friday's more than I do Chai Tea Latte's, which is significant).

Today's schedule:

8am: Wake up and read. Eat breakfast.

9am: Lay in bed, under the covers, while watching Aladdin, on my laptop. Remarkable.

9:30: Oops, fell asleep during the film.

10:30: Get myself together, head out to coffee for more reading pleasure.

1:00: Some Toy Story with friends.

2:00: A nap? A snack? Perhaps both.

3:00: Okay, finally a shower.

Followed by.........?

5:00: Head out to Musashi-Sakai for a "friendship party," with some Japanese people. Also CBU girls.

Hooray! How I cherish this single day out of the week-for reflection, personal liberty, time alone...essentially, REST! :)

Kuni's Cafe

Friday nights, there is a cafe ministry in Shimokitazawa, Tokyo. It's a time for us to introduce our Japanese "contacts" that we've met throughout the week through various activities (such as 5-minute english, distribution, meeting on the train, etc.).

The owner of Kuni's Cafe, Kuni, is a Japanese Christian & friend of Jeff, our lead missionary here in Tokyo. Kuni opens up his cafe for us IMB interns, so that we can connect our Japanese contacts with one another, and develop our friendships & relationships with them further. He offers all kinds of treats, & refreshments. Between bites of his delectable snacks, we played multiple card games. (The desire to compete runs thick through American and Japanese blood). Friday night was a sweet concoction of smiles, laughter, stories, and fellowship.

This is a photograph of my friend Satowa, who I met in Kitchijoji Park. Her husband is a pastor in Kitchijoji, Tokyo. They have a one year old daughter together. Her broken english was no barrier to us having a special connection with each other. She is a warm woman full of gentle compassion. I knew that within sixty seconds of meeting her!

The end to the evening was the most precious moment for me, when Satowa said, "Goodbye. Please come to my house." (The cutest part was that it sounded more like a command than an invitation).

Prosperity & Success.

As we are transformed more into the person of Jesus, success should be redefined. Checklists of personal accomplishments should probably be burned & shredded. (Guilty).

Dear Melanie, no one cares that you read, did your laundry, loaded the dishwasher, ran errands, & caught up with your friends in two hours. Checklists don't mean anything. Accomplishments are a waste if they are done for the glory of ourselves. I heard this in a podcast sermon this morning: "The American dream is a cheap substitute compared to the rich treasure of knowing Christ."

How true do we really think that is? I find myself chasing idols like success, & even the approval of others & what they account as "successful." It's like I'm just waiting for someone to give me their stamp of approval. What would we look like if we completely abandoned the notions that are attached to the American Dream? If we were a people desperately chasing after Jesus, centering our mind's attention & our heart's affections on him? Desperate to share this rich treasure with others? Well, I do wonder.

Flexible attitudes are most glorifying to Him.

Today, with no plans set before me, I decided to head out to Starbucks for some time in the good WORD (and just some "me" time to intellectually regroup & replenish, really). In other words, I was very passively & distantly praying for maybe, just maybe one person to talk to on my personal ministry day. I can't say I was feeling eager, or even slightly interested in pursuing a full-scheduled day. (The last 6 days have been WILDLY hectic, with leading four volunteer teams around Tokyo each day).

So anyway, with the rain falling zealously outside the coffee-shop window, umbrellas contentedly resting against the transparent glass door, and an aroma of Chai Tea steam filling my lungs...

I sat there and selfishly pondered what a wonderfully restful day I could be having. But...that didn't stir well with my intuition, deep down. Holy spirit, is that you?

My teammate, Dan sends me a text message asking me where I am. I inform him, and he declares he'll be heading my way. Moments later, he enters the coffee shop, and bursts my bubble. (Bless him). "Would you like to join me today at Seikei University?" (He had been planning on attending one of the professor's lectures, with the intention of meet college students). I replied before I could even process what he had asked me, and hastily said, "Sure." For a brief moment I was secretly remorseful of that reply, imagining the solitude and introversion to be enjoyed on a sweet, rainy Monday afternoon. (Ya know, thinking about me, me, me).

We started to walk hastily, realizing we only had about 25 minutes to arrive to our 30 minute destination. We entered the university, with many Japanese eyes on us. (A very white person, and a very brown person-clearly not a Japanese person). We walked into the lecture room, and approached Professor Ron. We introduced ourselves & shook his hand, full of warmth and kindness. He asked us to have a seat, and asked us if we'd be interested in introducing ourselves. We politely nodded and engaged in small conversation, not expecting his next few words. "Do you have a presentation?" We glanced at each other. Gasp. He wanted us to speak in front of his class, not just introduce ourselves. Disheveled, & a little nervous, we mustered up some confidence. A 3-slide powerpoint. Yes, that will do. (Again, thanks Dan). It consisted of a picture of CBU, a picture of California, and three reasons for why we were spending our time in Japan. Simple.

The students entered the classroom, noticing two strange people sitting in the back of the class. Everyone settled in, finding their seats, and Professor Ron introduced us. (Who is, by the way, a Christian professor). It was time. We headed to the front of the class, and said hello. Little did we know, we would be up there for much longer than a presentation of three slides. We shared briefly about our lives-where we were from, what we were studying, and more. Then: We straight up SHARED THE GOSPEL. We expressed our love for the Lord, and how He first loved us. We tried to use simple and elementary language, as they were all just barely learning english, and beginning to practice speaking it. Afterwards, we asked if there were any questions. The first few were basic, spoken with shy hearts. "What do you like about Japan?" And, "Do you like Japanese food?" And also, "How old are you?" Then, we decided to share our facebook profiles, so that we could show pictures of our experiences in other countries. We explained God's heart for the nations. We showed them pictures of Israel, & Russia-where Dan had traveled for ministry. And then, pictures of Ukraine, where I have traveled. They were intrigued, awestruck at other regions of the world. Then, another question: "What do you think it would take for the world to be happy?" (How do you tell a classroom full of college students, where not even ONE person has ever heard of the bible, that Jesus brings joy & peace incomprehensible to human knowledge)?

I'm thankful that the Lord is our confidence. He spoke through us this afternoon. All of the boldness, courage, & attitudes of fearlessness we've been praying for, has not been in vain. He shows up when He wills. He shines through the broken. Do you think Dan & I had anything to do with it? Do you think today was based upon our efforts, our talents, our abilities? Nope. Today was none other than a picture painted-of a sovereign God working mightily through His children. THANK YOU.

(Now just pray that the college students will actually contact us)!! :)

He finds those forgotten.

Saturday, June 12th: An uplifting, refreshing, joyful & purposeful day. A day my heart also grew for the Japanese people. A day in Tokyo, Japan, that I will absolutely never forget. We spent the afternoon in Showa Park. My team was fearless as they approached Japanese strangers, quickly immersing themselves in conversation & developing friendships. I was so proud, and truly inspired of the way they allowed their day to be shaped by a single-minded passion for loving Japanese people. An encouraging, stimulating, enriching, life-giving day.

At the end of our stay at Showa Park, we decided to go our separate ways, except for myself, Dan, & Sonya with our eyes on a delectable, tasty prize. INDIAN CURRY!! Mmmm, nom nom nom. We enjoyed our feast, & each other's companionship & conversation. We headed back to the train station, to go back to our apartment in Shibuya. We entered the train, & each found our own seats (a rarity in itself, as the trains are usually overly-crowded at this hour). I decided to put on my i-pod, for the 30 minute train ride. As I glanced up, I was startled. Appalled. I noticed the symbol in Kanji (Japanese characters) that represent a train accident. A train accident involving a human being. Not only did I see this symbol once, but I saw it three separate times. On the evening of Saturday, June 12th, three Japanese people decided to end their lives by jumping in front of a subway. They saw no other option, no other hope. Can you imagine the weight of pressure they felt from all sides? From Japanese culture-to be successful, beautiful, prosperous? From their families? From themselves? Standards that are obviously too high to attain. As I pondered the reality of what had happened, feelings of heaviness & sorrow overcame me- tears fell as I heard the lyrics, "He heals the broken hearted; He binds their wounds. He is love. He finds those forgotten, those who have been abused; He is love. He knows your name." While this is all true, three people had no idea they were cherished, loved, & intimately known beyond all human imagination. Because they have never heard; no one has ever told them. This breaks me. This breaks Him. Tonight taught me never to underestimate the urgency in displaying love to the broken, the lost.

Out of the 33 million people in Tokyo, Japan . . .

Roughly 30,000 people commit suicide per year by jumping in front of a train. Those Kanji symbols displayed on the digital screens of trains represent mothers, fathers, daughters, & sons. I don't want to waste my life on myself when there are people all around me perishing without hope.

Lord, please continue to use ordinary people to do extraordinary things through Your power...

The Gift of GRACE: Receive it; don't earn it.

So, here is the start to my new blog. Short, simple, and maybe even an elementary concept for you to read about. But still a concept that needs to be blogged about, nonetheless. :)

I have been meditating on the word GRACE for about three days now. It is unfortunately an over-used, cliche, weakened & stale phrase among Christian culture today. I am so sad that we ourselves have sabotaged a word that contains so much power, significance & virtue. Grace is a tool that can be easily accessed, if we weren't such complicated beings, always allowing ourselves to be our own stumbling block to enjoying relationships with one another. It's not until life brings you an experience where grace is truly needed, that you understand its' function and purpose. The Lord grants us grace so that we can receive it as a gift. But with that gift, comes responsibility. We receive grace from Him so that we can extend it to others. This is not merely a suggestion.

...so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast... (Ephesians 2:7-9).

Do not work to earn what God is already eager to pour out upon you as a gift. But also, do not be mistaken. There is absolutely nothing we have done to deserve or become entitled to this gift. We must simply & humbly receive it, and give endless & sincere thanks for it.

NOW, my friends, I will close with this awesome quote that I read today by Brennan Manning:

"Whatever our failings may be, we need not lower our eyes in the presence of Jesus. Unlike Quasimodo, the hunchback of Notre Dame, we need not hide all that is ugly and repulsive in us. Jesus comes not for the super-spiritual but for the wobbly and the weak-kneed who know they don't have it all together, and who are not too proud to accept the handout of amazing grace. As we glance up, we are astonished to find the eyes of Jesus open with wonder, deep with understanding, and gentle with compassion..."

It's all because of the gift of his grace.

-Melanie.